


Kept Man

by Lex_Munro



Series: Stories From the Fateverse [19]
Category: Deadpool (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, Minor Violence, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-20
Updated: 2011-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lex_Munro/pseuds/Lex_Munro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade Wilson likes having a rich boyfriend...but it can be a little bruising to the ego, being somebody's kept man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kept Man

**Author's Note:**

> so i forgot i had this. *sheepish cough*
> 
> this is totally [~SonRenee](http://sonrenee.deviantart.com/)'s fault for art-prompting me with [this picture](http://alternatemarvel.deviantart.com/art/Heart-Breakers-208450599).  my muses then forced me to write at least a little Wade/Tasky.
> 
>  **warnings:**   AU - Fateverse.  minor violence.  slash.  language: g (really? huh...).
> 
>  **pairing:**   Tony/Wade (Taskmaster/Deadpool).
> 
>  **timeline:**   some...time? between 2008 and 2015?
> 
>  **disclaimer:**   marvel owns all the characters, i just made more alternate universe versions of them. 
> 
>  **notes:**   1) shameless plugs for Rock Band, NCIS, Cheez-Its, and Mitchel London.  sorry.  2) "M3" in this case is the Carl-Gustaf M3, a beautiful shoulder-fired recoilless rifle (rifle-bore shoulder launcher) that can fire all kinds of cool ammo and is a favored anti-armor toy of SOCOM and Rangers.  3) i'm imagining that Tony's got a nice apartment on Central Park East.  4) love Will Smith dearly, he's adorable....but his ears do stick out.

**Kept Man**

 

In Wade’s experience, having a rich boyfriend is very fun.  Playing Rock Band in undies, socks, and a borrowed tee-shirt is at least twice as cool when the TV is a fifty-two-inch LED.  Couch sex is more enjoyable and amusing because the couch is huge and comfortable.  The shower is a fancy multi-spray thing that gives a killer backrub.

And all the guns stashed around the apartment are _nice_ guns.

Okay, maybe that’s more a symptom of the fact that his boyfriend is sitting so pretty because he’s a skilled and experienced mercenary.  But the guns are still nice.

It’s like Tony went to Santa’s workshop and dug up all of Wade’s discarded Christmas Lists (probably stamped with something big and stern and disapproving like DENIED) before he went gun-shopping.

At the moment, Wade is fresh from the awesome shower, stretched out on the awesome couch with a beer and watching the week’s episode of NCIS on the awesome TV.  He’s got a box of Cheez-Its and a cordless phone (so last-decade, but Tony insists on keeping a home phone ‘just in case’) on the coffee table.

The phone rings.

“Son of a…” Wade mutters, pausing the DVR and grabbing the handset.  “Masters residence.”

 _~“You’re supposed to sound cheerful when you say that.”~_

Wade snorts.  “You strain the boundaries of our relationship when you interrupt my Abby-time.  Do it again and you better be _at death’s door_ or fixin’ to put a ring on my finger.  Otherwise, there’s gonna be a throw-down.”

 _~“I’ll make it up to you.”~_

“You will.”

 _~“I need you to get the M3 from under the couch, go up to the roof, and pop some smoke through the windshield of a persistent black Tahoe.  I’m gonna pull him northbound through the park on East; you should have a clear shot in about five minutes.”~_

He heaves a thick sigh, but he’s already got the launcher loaded and ready.  “Swing by ML and get me cuppy-cakes, or I will pout at you fiercely.”

 _~“You got it, sugar-pie.”~_

Wade hangs up and heads for the elevator (conscientiously locking the apartment on the way out).  On the top floor, he goes to the roof-access stairs.  He shoulders the launcher and sights toward the zoo to get his bearings.  By itself, a black Tahoe doesn’t really stand out, but action-movie-style evasive driving does.

“Aha.  Car chase.  Thank you for smoking…”

The round pops through a window and promptly fills the car with a thick cloud.

 _I love the sound of screeching tires and crunching steel…_

Satisfied that this little errand is done, Wade strides casually back into the building, winks at a hot chick in the elevator, and tucks the M3 back under the couch.  Tony can totally clean the thing himself, as part of his punishment for interrupting what Wade considers a sacred period of worship.  Beer in hand, he unpauses Abby’s science-y explanation.

Twenty minutes later, he hears the key in the lock.

“You didn’t say ‘I love you’ before you hung up,” he accuses.

“I thought it went without saying,” Tony replies suavely, dangling a paper bag over the back of the couch.  “And I brought you those cupcakes.”

“Hmph,” Wade says, but takes his bribe and the accompanying kiss.  “You’ve been holding out on me, honeybunch.  Where’d you learn those fancy moves?”

Tony comes back to the couch with a beer of his own and shrugs.  “Bourne trilogy.”

“Bah!” Wade grumbles, but lifts his feet long enough to get a comfy boyfriend under them.  “Like it wasn’t already hard enough to stay cooler than you.  That’ll teach me to make you watch my favorite movies with me.  You ‘n your cheaty-watch-and-learn powers and your Val Kilmer good looks and your awesome taste in guns…  Soon, nobody will call my cell phone but Weasel.  I will finally be reduced to the status of kept man, and then I’ll gain a hundred pounds and be fat and bored and lazy.”

Tony snorts.  “There will always be a market for a guy who can sneak into a room on the thirtieth floor, snap a target’s neck, and vanish without a trace.  And at least you’re pretty.”

“I _am_ pretty,” Wade agrees.  “Maybe my ears stick out a little…not, like, _Will Smith_ ears or anything.  Really think I’m still marketable, not just saying it to make me feel better?”

“Really,” Tony confirms.  “You last a hell of a lot longer against armies of disposable henchmen than I do.”

“Staying power.  Gonna have to turn that into my new marketing strategy.  ‘Deadpool:  not only can he dismember your enemies with a smile and a witty one-liner, he can do it all day long!’”

“That’s what she said.”

“It’s what _you_ said.  Zing!”

“I’ve yet to see you last all day long,” Tony snorts skeptically.

“Is that a challenge?  Or a request?”

“Yes.”

“That wasn’t a yes or n—oh, I get it.”

 

 **.End.**


End file.
